Book Review: Dancing at the Pity Party: A Dead Mom Graphic Memoir by Tyler Feder
Summary: This graphic novel was equal parts tribute and memoir. Feder details the reasons why her mom was awesome, and the painful journey Feder walks as she watches her vibrant mother suffer and succumb to cancer. This book also gave some beautiful insight about interacting with & looking out for someone who is enduring profound loss.
Personal Reactions: This book was a timely read for me; my close friend Chara* lost her Mom back in December. Just a few months ago, Chara also lost her infant son. Reading this novel gave me heightened perspective as well as ideas for how to be there for my friend during this heart-crushing time.
Feder's mom, Rhonda, reminds me so much of my mom. She makes incredible party decorations out of cardboard, volunteers for community and church events, and makes awesome cakes and costumes on a tight budget. I really felt I could imagine Feder's loss because our moms felt like twinnies.
Certain aspects of Feder reminded me so much of myself, too! I’m only three years younger than Feder, so the late 2000s references rang true to me. She has crazy anxiety that wasn't diagnosed til recent years, and so do I. In my youth, I was also the kid that was shy at parties and went to bed before 10PM (I blush to admit it, but I actually skipped my graduation all–night party because I wanted to go to bed on time. Are you rolling your eyes? I know. Modern me is doing it too.) Those aspects of Feder's personality really made her come alive for me, really resonated with me.
Also, GRAPHIC NOVELS! I had never read a graphic novel before this one, and now I’m converted! At first it felt like cheating, reading a book that was just as much pictures as it was text. However, now I can see why so many individuals love these books. They offer a rich blend of visual arts with minimalist, well–crafted literature. A neat aspect of graphic novels, too, is that the pictures can offer information the text can't, and the text can offer information the pictures can't. They complement each other. I can’t wait to read more graphic novels.
Lines that Resonated With Me:
“Long before my mom ever got sick, her death felt like the number one scariest thing that could ever happen. And then it happened. And it was the scariest thing that could ever happen. But I survived. Ten years later, I’m still here, trying to turn the crap into something sweet, just like she would” (p. 193).
Questions I Have After Reading: This book felt like a triadic storytelling technique to me, similar to the famous three-act story structure. From my perspective, the book was told in three equal parts: life with mom, life during mom's death, life after mom's death. I am wondering what the advantages and disadvantages are to different storytelling structures? I am most familiar with the Save–the–Cat structure, but I know that there are also very unique asian styles of storytelling, like that used in Studio Gibli (sp?) for books/films like Howl's Moving Castle. Is there a unique storytelling structure for most graphic novels? I wonder.
Trigger Warning/Parent Advisory: Cancer, death
Rating: 5, FANTASTIC
Audience: 13+ years
Fun Fact: My YA Lit class had a virtual meet–the–author via Zoom, and let me tell you, Tyler Feder is just as lovely in real life as she is on the page.
*name has been changed
